A Little Clarification

About that headshot…

Please understand, it’s not that I don’t like how I look; it’s that I don’t look like me in (most) photos. I hate posed. I’m an animated sort of person, and posing just feels fake. As does dolling up or otherwise glitzing (sparkles are completely acceptable though.) I don’t wear make-up of any kind. Ever. Ok, once in a while I’ll put on some mascara. The thought of this posed picture puts in mind all those things I, personally, can’t stand. It’s creating an illusion of who I am when I am perfectly happy, in fact, ridiculously content, with who I am. It took me a long time to get here. It’s not a position I’ll give up willingly.

In many pictures, even the candid ones, I often lamented that I look either angry or drunk. I’m rarely the former, and never the latter. It’s very rare someone takes a pic of me that I truly love, that I feel absolutely me in. I adore the pic of me I use on Facebook, and the sketch that sprang from it, above. It captures ME. Mischievous gleam, messy hair, no make-up, tiara. ME. I don’t want to put a fake me out into the world. It’s not that I don’t feel fabulous enough; it’s that I feel completely fabulous as I am. I can’t stress that enough, especially for my girls who are convinced I think I’m a hideous monster who eschews the light of day.

A posed pic of me, made up, hair coiffed? Not gonna happen. It’s not an opportunity for me to have some fun, but a step backwards into a me I don’t want to be. Ever. Maybe that seems a bit militant, even silly. What’s the big deal, right? For me, it is.

If I had my way, there would be no pictorial evidence of me whatsoever. I truly feel, and call it hubris (because it pretty much is,) a photo cannot capture me in all my glory. Without going into a long, sad story of how I got to this point, suffice it to say I got here via a road I don’t want to tread again.

So I’ll go and get the headshots done MY way, maybe even try to get a “more acceptable” recreation of the pic I love. If I can’t get a pic I’m as happy with as the one my friend (Sharon) snapped of me that day at lunch, many months ago, I’m going to push for using it because it’s MY image, and I have every right to say what that image is. Right?

*Disclaimer~I have no issue whatsoever with anyone who loves to glam it up, wear make-up, pose for the perfect pic, etc. If that’s your thing, THAT’S YOUR THING. And good for you! It’s just not mine. Savvy?

Pics of me I love.


Filed under Life's honest moments

15 responses to “A Little Clarification

  1. Diana Stewart

    I totally get this! I’m not a fan of my author picture. It’s concentrating on the surface of who you are, a surface that could never adequately–no matter the beauty–convey the person underneath.
    It’s sort of like the poem, “You Don’t Have to Act Crazy Anymore”
    by Hafiz.

    “You don’t have to act crazy anymore–
    We all know you were good at that.

    Now retire, my dear,
    From all that hard work you do

    Of bringing pain to your sweet eyes and heart.

    Look into a clear mountain mirror–
    See the Beautiful Ancient Warrior
    And the Divine elements
    You always carry inside

    That infused this Universe with sacred Life
    So long ago

    And joins you Eternally
    With all Existence–with God.

    I guess there is no camera that can capture that, because so few human eyes have achieved the grace to see it.


    • Terri-Lynne DeFino

      Gorgeous poem, and yes, you’re right. Your author pic is really cute! I think it captures you. Maybe I think that because you told me the photog snapped the pic before you were “ready,” and said, “Good! Thanks. See ya!” It’s as candid a shot as a posed pic can be.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Little story, because I hate having my picture taken, too. One day, my husband took a snapshot of me I liked. I remarked “How come this looks go good, but so pictures of me are awful.” He replied, “Because, you didn’t know I was bout to take it. When you KNOW a picture is about to be taken, everything about you tenses and you don’t seem like yourself.” So there, in short, posing is stressful and phony. It isn’t who we are more naturally.
    It’s why those two adult photos above work. The day I snapped your princess pose, we were having lunch, celebrating your birthday (I think) and all of us were relaxed. I whipped out my camera and said, “Let’s get a picture!” and it happened in a matter of seconds. With little thought.
    So I get it… I do…
    I hope you can use something unconventional for your headshot, but if not, just remember all the joy that has come along with having this one inconvenience πŸ™‚
    Um, because it really is a first world problem lol!! Love you!! ❀


    • Terri-Lynne DeFino

      LOL, you’re absolutely right on all counts. I’m hoping to recreate a little of the pose/feel of the pic you took. Maybe without the messy hair and tiara. πŸ™‚
      It is going to have to wait until I’ve had my hair blued again, though. Right now, it’s pretty washed out. I’m disappointed! I think the guy who did it was so afraid of dying my skin, he didn’t saturate the hair like the last few ladies did. I’ll have to tell him next time, just go for it.


  3. Oh, do I understand the discomfort of a posed picture! Your tiara picture captures so much of your spirit, so much of YOU! Maybe your answer is to have Sharon with you as you have that picture taken. She may have just the right thing to say that will allow that sparkly, adorable personality to transfer to a posed picture! The photographer just needs to let you be YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re so right, pictures can’t really capture our essence, but I always find myself drawn to connect a face with the creative work. And your tiara picture makes me happy! I see a beautiful strong woman who is happy within herself. Now that’s a good picture! πŸ™‚


  5. I also hate being photographed, and not because I have any issues with what I look like. I feel happiest, and most like myself, in the woods. My author photos were taken in a nature sanctuary. If you end up hiring someone to take your photo think about being in the place you feel most like yourself, and don’t wear make-up or do anything with your hair unless you want to. Think about live-music indie rock star photos. These musicians are not wearing make-up (unless they are because they love it). You’re witch-y, and fairy-ish, and elemental, but you also have a lot of rock star in you. This photographer lives in Bethel. ❀ < http://www.justvibephoto.com/


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