All and sundry

*

The closer Christofer’s birthday comes, the less I think about him. I get through whole days without crying. It’s like my brain has put its blinders on. If I can’t see it, it can’t see me. Too bad that’s not how it works.

My logical mind says it’s just another day among many. But those blinders…they’re on for a reason. If I think the thought, it flies away quickly. Like right now, I’m already thinking about the rest of this post, tomorrow’s hair appointment, the busy weekend. Distraction that can’t quite pretend there’s nothing more nefarious going on.

**

Traegar’s Lunatics is now 33K words. I’m so in love. (first draft–don’t judge.)

Leaning low compressed lungs too weak to compensate, but Alfonse held his breath and did so. He kissed her brow. He kissed the fair princess’ cheek, and the monster’s. He dropped back in his chair, gasping. Cecibel opened her eyes, blue marbles, even, impossibly, the ruined one. The moment froze one heartbeat. Two. Three. Four. She was rising, towering over him. A wounded Valkyrie fresh from battle. Alfonse felt so small in that gaze. A withered old man who’d trespassed into places he didn’t belong, and couldn’t survive.

Cecibel’s hand came to rest on his shoulder. A swoop of hair dropped into his lap as she kissed his brow, his cheeks, his lips. She lingered there though he didn’t respond, couldn’t respond without breaking the spell. A thousand sweaty nights, languid afternoons, fresh mornings careened through his body, his brain. To pluck even one of them from the parade would undo him. Instead, his fingers curled into that hair pooled in his lap. He fingered it, concentrated on the thick softness Cecibel took with her when she pulled away.

He didn’t call her back. She didn’t glance over her shoulder. The metallic click of his door was the only indication that she was gone; he hoped, not for good.

Head back, eyes on the ceiling so high above his head, Alfonse counted breaths until he could do so calmly. He couldn’t have written the magic of these moments, not if given another century to try. Life could never be contained by words. It could only be expressed to the best of one’s ability, in the hopes of capturing a tiny spark and giving it away.

***

Busy weekend, starting with tomorrow’s hair appointment. Blue and purple this time. Really, my hair is still blue (baby blue, now) from when I did it around Halloween, but it’s grown out some. I’ve got a book signing on Saturday, and a writing group event on Sunday. I figure it’s time for a fresh-up.

****

Next Friday is Christofer’s birthday. So much distraction. I’ll be fine.

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10 Comments

Filed under Life's honest moments, Traegar's Lunatics

10 responses to “All and sundry

  1. “A thousand sweaty nights, languid afternoons, fresh mornings careened through his body, his brain. To pluck even one of them from the parade would undo him.”

    Absolutely love this. ❤

    Rock that blue and purple hair for me, Terri!

    Like

  2. Sheer poetry, Terri! Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. dianamunozstewart

    Love that last line. Fantastic. And, if you’re looking for a distraction, don’t forget me!! I’m available to talk, text, or meet you in NYC!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Terri-Lynne DeFino

      Thank you! And I know you’d walk on water for me, Diana–or even drive over three hours to spend half an hour with me and then turn around and drive another three hours home. 🙂 ❤

      Like

  4. Fabulous last line! Glad the book is moving along. And that you’re hanging in there. I’m always here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Carol Lovekin

    “Life could never be contained by words.”
    Neither could your beloved son. Christoph is your ‘tiny spark.’

    Love the hair… xXx

    Like

    • Terri-Lynne DeFino

      No he couldn’t be, and yes, he is. Rough week. Friday is his birthday and I feel…you know that sensation when you’re standing in the tide? Not the pulling sensation as the water goes out, but that momentary building just before the wave rolls and it’s about to rush at you? Yeah, that feeling. I’m trying to breathe, to just let it go, but…yeah. Not so successful. I’ll keep trying.

      My hair IS spectacular. 🙂

      Like

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