Long, slow fade

You were here; you were real.

I have to keep reminding myself.

Over and over. You were here;

you were real. It feels so strange

to know, and yet difficult to grasp.

I see your picture, my handsome son, or

that spot in the upstairs bathroom, the chemical

I can’t remove from the pedestal sink.

“I was here,” it tells me. “Don’t forget.”

Forgetting isn’t possible, but this fade…

This fade is intolerable. It makes the

sorrow hit harder when it comes, after

days of being kindly absent.

How can it be? How can it be!

You were here; you were real.

You were here; you were real.

Child of my body. Being of my blood.

My heart. My everything. And now

you’re gone and fading. Your presence

isn’t as strong upon the world you left behind,

or in dreams still connecting these planes we inhabit.

Until that curtain between sorrow and kindness falls

and you fly at me like bats from a cave

at sunset, in movies, in nature shows on television.

I open my arms and catch all of you I can, but

it’s never enough. I’m not fast enough, strong enough,

clever enough to trap so wild a being, one who

doesn’t want to be caught. You were here;

you were real. You were here;

you were real.

You were here. You were.

Weren’t you?



Filed under poetry

17 responses to “Long, slow fade

  1. Bev

    Beautiful, loving, and poignant. I send you hugs and love!


  2. Frank DeFino

    I know how you feel my love. I will never forget him nor will he ever fade from my memory. It’s truly difficult day in and day out wondering if I will ever see him in the afterlife or will the pain and emptiness just vanish when I am gone. My Christofer John my son, me friend , my buddy.


    Liked by 1 person

  3. As always, thank you for sharing your love and your sorrow with us. It touches me deeply. And even though I only know you through these words, my sense and feeling is that we are all connected in a vital way that is quite beyond this 3 dimensional world of space and time. The heart knows this and always says yes to the reality of the love, the beauty, and the uniqueness of your boy. ❤


  4. Lynne

    Can I ever read your writings without tears? Love & hugs, Terri. ❤


  5. MaryAnn Forbes

    So eloquent and beautiful– as always. Today I was happy there were snowflakes in the air. My husband loved snow on St. Patrick’s Day. I went outside and felt the snowflakes on my face. I know it sounds silly but they felt like kisses from Bill.


  6. stregheria13

    Beautiful as always. (((Hugs))) ❤


  7. ❤ ❤ ❤ I love it. Gorgeous.


  8. Janis

    Amazing, haunting, I keep thinking about this poem.


  9. Carol Lovekin


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